Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize