I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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