I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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