Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
