my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
