why didn't you poke me back
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
