he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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