He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
