someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Someone signed my nipple.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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