It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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