You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
