Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
