in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
