The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
