I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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