i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I need help removing her.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
