Can i not drive my cunt home
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i would punch a child for taco bell
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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