I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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