there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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