Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
