So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
