wat bout pragnant strippers??
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
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It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina