please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
