I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
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I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.