At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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