does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
