I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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