I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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