Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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