Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She's the barista slut.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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