he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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