Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
