I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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