i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
