you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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