It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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