You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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