so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
worst night to have a conscience
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
