Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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