We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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