Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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