THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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