No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
