I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Michael Bay diarrhea
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
