I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
