i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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