Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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