you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
