im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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