I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
