i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
