That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
