our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
