Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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