your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize