If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
