So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
