all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
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I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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