was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
