I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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