woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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