Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
