I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
