i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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