he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What drink are we having for lunch?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway