At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave