Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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